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NEW NAMAGE and stuff... [Feb. 27th, 2005|05:24 pm]
All apoligies lovelies, but I just really don't like this username much and I've changed my livejournal name so please add me as seductivespork.

It will be a 'friends only' journal, so comment if you wish to be added.

Sorry for the inconvinience, and I won't do this again :)


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(no subject) [Jan. 23rd, 2005|10:08 pm]
[mood |distresseddistressed]

I don't know if I can explain it...
I'm literally seeing everything in choppy surreal quickshots, sometimes framed in dream-like blurs. I turned towards a mirror downstairs earlier and I jumped for a second because I could've sworn the cloth on the rack behind me had formed into a head. Just for a second. I'm experiencing an ongoing dizzy spell, and I've been randomly sleeping for long periods of time. I feel claustrophobically drained and limited but at the same time my body is consvulsing slightly in a subliminal restlessness contrary to my weary mental state...
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If I were a muffin, where would I sleep... [Jun. 14th, 2004|04:54 pm]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]

It's been a while...my home computer is fucked so I'm doing this at the library...
Well I've come pretty far on the screenplays (Mike, I've finished typing yours but we need to figure out more scenes to insert into it), done a few performances (the play I'm in -what an interesting experience- and also solo song at the church), enjoyed life without schoolwork, started writing that book again (somebody stole the original notebook I was writing it in...asshole), Brian left for Europe (I'll have much time to spend with friends and stuff so call me), and I've gotten alot of graduation money so I'm hoping to buy a video camera and start filming...hmm I know more is going on than that but can't think right now, alot of people here are freaky and those people constantly trying to get me to vote for shit are so annoying.
Well looks like it's time to go home and do something creative, then I hope to do something with someone tonight.
Pointless entry, not the most exciting one either, but an entry none the less. Yeppers peppers.
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Most pointless entry since the one on 4/20...read it, become dumber....or maybe smarter, who knows? [May. 26th, 2004|11:53 am]
[mood |dorkydorky]
[music |"Gabba Gabba Hey" by Ramones]

As I've said before, life should be like a rock musical: where you can break into song anytime you feel like it or want to express something, and everything around you would stop to coordinate around it and there would automatically be accompaniment (guitar, bass, drums, back-up vocals, etc.)... just an idea. Sounds weird but once you think about it it'd be pretty entertaining.
"D.U.M.B. everyone's accusin' me!..." this song is pretty random. At the end of it there's all these little voices and one of them says "I wanna get a bigger head...so much easier to pick my nose..." Gotta love the Ramones.
Damn why did I (& my friends and stuff of course) have to be the teenagers of THIS generation?

Almost out of highschool...well I'm at the M.U. right now, should catch the bus soon...

The people here smell like broccoli.

Ok now this has turned into a bunch of rambling so I'm going home to write the scripts for my movie group that I'm supposed to have in today.
Then I'm going to Albany for rehersal...last time I was in Albany for rehersal I went to the coffee shop and intelligently knocked over my coffee cup, and it didn't even spill a drop because it had the lid still on it, so then I was even more intelligent to pick it up by the bottom of the cup without holding on the lid so the force of the liquid broke the lid off and all the coffee splashed out everywhere (with an impressive range across the cafe') and caused a big scene. Better not go in there again any time soon.

ohh pretty result for outcast me:

u r the outcast angel. u r sweet on the outside,
but looks can be dacieving. something bad
happened to u in the past. u held ur grudge,
and u r waiting to let it out on sumone. These
angels were once upon a time, very loved, and
of the highest ranks of all the angels. But,
when something terrible happened in their
lives, much like the dark-angels, the outcasts
leave the heavens and move down to earth. They
are always quite and sad, and rarely contact
with humans. If a human befriends an outcast
angel, they have a friend for life.

!~*What type of angel r u? now wit pics. be4 it didnt, BUT NOW IT DUZ!!! lol (gurlz only)*~!
brought to you by Quizilla
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BLOODY FUCK CHEESE [May. 19th, 2004|11:50 am]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |The Cure- "Friday I'm in Love"]

Trust betrayed. Bittersweet love. Self-blame and self-hatred. Returning to distorted emotions of the past. My darkest aspects rising to surface because of all this bullshit. Plus the monthly female bill.
DAMMIT!!!! Don't ask.
ANYWAYS...going to Lizafish's birthday par-tay tonight, going to drown stress in margaritas & dance around and try to get away with blasting 80s rock there.
Brian isn't anwering his phone...don't know yet if he ended up going to the stupid cv foster lake party last night.
Our senior skip day is Monday, joy joy.
I have a solo in choir plus me senior solo. Two solos for our last concert. Yay.
Those multi-vitamin pills are really gross.


~selfish angst-ridden bitch who posesses my body every so often (haha.)

P.S. Steph? Jamie? Could I get an account on the image club, PLEASE???
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(no subject) [May. 17th, 2004|03:23 pm]
[mood |tiredwant to return to that dream..]
[music |Nirvana- "Lounge Act"]

"There are times when you just have to dance like a fish and play air-guitar on a spatula." -a theory from me & Liz

I was having another trippy dream last night then I had to wake up...damn. Why can't it be reality?
Anyways, I've been good as dead today after this weekend, first with prom on saturday and then staying up to watch the movie "Helter Skelter" on tv, which was quite sick and disturbing (even more so because it's a true story) but also grimly amazing how Charles Manson manipulated all those people into thinking he was the Christ and getting them to commit those brutal murders...uhhh sick people in the world. Then the dumb people who believe them...
Anyways, yeah funny stuff today, I accidentally yelled a little too loudly (in response to one of Richard's comments), "Damnit, I DON'T PUT USED TAMPONS IN MY PURSE!", much to the disgust of just about everyone in the cafeteria at D block. Oh and when I registered to vote the guy at the counter accidently said "erection" instead of "election" when he was explaining the process to me and another guy. I found it ammusing.
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(no subject) [May. 10th, 2004|05:43 pm]
[mood |indifferentindifferent]

More bizarre dreams have entered my sleep lately...all with the reacurring aspect that they are plotted kind of like movies with climaxes and excitement and suspense, you know the works...I mentioned this in my xanga website (http://www.xanga.com/PoisonedRose ), which I update pretty often as well. Anyways, I wake up from some of these dreams and kind of miss the excitement -even when it's frightening- of the "movie plot" I'm a part of and also the way I'm a central, beautiful significant character in the plot, like Christine in "Phantom" or something, you know? I doubt often that I hold such significance in reality, and I know it's pretty selfish to want such a status...but obviously my subconcious is portraying this desire. Damnit maybe I am selfish...
Oh well, enough about that for now.
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NO FUCKING WAY [May. 5th, 2004|06:06 pm]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |garbage- "#1 Crush"]

I am one of those people that love to hear the sound of their voice. That and my lousy attitude make for a mixture as toxic next-day-mexican-dinner-ass-drip.

bloody dildos just called me a bitch! Is it so wrong to cause a scene in public to get your way or piss people off as a hobby? lol. How ammusing.

Oh for further information:

Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.

I AM 62% GOTH!
62% GOTH
Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.

I AM 25% GEEK!
25% GEEK
You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing.
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Vultures circling over roadkill... [May. 4th, 2004|11:53 am]
[mood |thirstythirsty]
[music |Queen's "Bicycle" song stuck in my head!]

I feel like I'm going to vomit out all my inner bodily organs.
My friend suggested the possibility that I was pregnant.
NOOOOOO!!! Heheh.

But, I'm happy because my inspiration has returned. Better start writing before I lose it again...

"Bicycle, Bicycle, Bicycle...." I saw a bunch of kids riding bikes out from my school and now that song is stuck in my head.
I'm in the public library right now...maybe I should start singing it right now, just for my own ammusement...

Shit...that wasn't the best idea. O well, it was worth a shot. On the other hand, I guess not.

What the fuck am I writing this for???
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(no subject) [Apr. 29th, 2004|11:39 am]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |Metallica- "Enter Sandman"]

Between me & Tanya's disgusting nerd love letter writing (ask about them if you dare), my "groupies" at the theatre, and my teacher being such a tree hugging hippie that she told us about how she chained herself to a nuclear business building to protest bombing, I'd say things are pretty fucking ammusing!
I'm going to laugh my ass off about this all day. But I might need my ass later on, so then I'd have to chase it
...wow I'm a dork and I love it.
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(no subject) [Apr. 21st, 2004|09:13 pm]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |"Die, die my darling" -Misfits]

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SOMEBODY STOP ME [Apr. 20th, 2004|12:11 pm]
[mood |giddygiddy]
[music |butimous music arising from the forbidden caverns of my mind]

I wish somebody would walk in here and give me a box of Rice Krispies
And that I could talk to turtles
And that every thursday carrots could taste like burgers
And sometimes when I'm all alone,
I close my eyes and picture a salmon
And nightmares of being ambushed by angry billy goats would cease forever
And the border of California would be made of styrofoam

My life would be so much happier
If my Grandma bought me a goose

...I don't know, sometimes inspiration just strikes and in-depth verse flows freely from my fingertips like excess fluid from my body after 4 cups of coffee...

anywyas...Happy 420 everyone. You are now officially dumber than you were before you read this.

I should include some of my REAL poetry on here...then again, I don't know if I'm comfortable sharing that much emotion over the internet. But, then again, most people probably won't "get it" anyways. Haha. (read the tortured artist test, you'll understand my saying that)
Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.
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1 pint lighter... [Apr. 16th, 2004|09:56 pm]
[mood |blahblah]
[music |"Pour some sugar on me" by Def Leppard (more 80s yay!)]

Woozy day, beacuse at school I donated blood at the Red Cross blood drive thing, then basically stumbled around the rest of the day while lowerclassmen's usual perverse comments echoed alittle louder & more grating than usual. I tripped over some chairs. Also I grossed-out some needle-phobic people with my bandaged arm & details about the process. It was kinda funny.
Then, upon leaving school I ran into Tiffany (or, now 'Persephone', as she changed her name) as she was getting off of her bus and we went to pizza pipeline where we belched loudly and talked about many things from sex-olympics to
Then Brian picked me up & we hung out for a while, playing guitar, eating donuts, doing other things...fun stuff...
I think I might've made some disturbing comments at the dinner table, due to the fact that I'm still sort of out of it and my judgement on what is and isn't appropriate isn't exactly top-notch...
You know, I've started this entry and forgotten why. I was going to say something, then forgot what it was, so I just started typing and now I still can't remember what I was originally going to write.
Now I'm going to meet Stephy pretty soon, so I'd better go. I don't even have the mental capacity at the moment to ponder whther or not any of this made any sense at all. Oh well, thats life.
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PEOPLE THESE DAYS [Apr. 15th, 2004|10:42 pm]
[mood |groggygroggy]
[music |You Give Love a Bad Name -Bon Jovi (I'm a 80s geek shut up)]


In a time of any of these people's crisis, its a no-win situation:

If I step back, I'm not being concerned or caring enough towards them.

If I try to be uplifting, I'm being disrespectfully lighthearted in the midst of their angst.

If I try to give constructive critisism, I'm being an insensitive cold-hearted bitch when I should be more supportive.

If I try to be there to listen, they don't want to talk about it.

If I DON'T try to listen, I'm selfish and too wrapped up in my own problems to care about theirs.

Whine, piss, moan. Dig yourself into a hole and try to pull me in with you. Geeze.

When I get picked up for voice lessons, it's a RELIEF to be critisized on my singing rather than my personality. Well, plus I love singing and despise unnecessary hostility.

Also, it's a little less than enthralling when people decide to ditch out on group committmens.

I really need to shut myself out from girls who seem to have chronic moody PMS and guys who act like they do too.

Thank God Brian is so stable. Stay with me, Brian, I nearly went nuts once and it's apparent people at I'm-the-victim school are trying to drive me back to that point.

Tommorrow at school, I'm going to revert to my outcast poetry-writing self or at least hang out with people who don't care because they've realized that SHIT HAPPENS.

Well, at least I'm out of that poor-unfourtunate-me mode.

Sorry about that.

Other than encounters with temperamental peers at school & headaches probably arising from sharing air space with them, I've been pretty good.

Yesterday, Teagan and I had the sheer stupidity to take a night walk down to safeway in the brutal rain, and when we got there, (looking like we'd escaped imprisonment through a drainpipe), we bought doughnuts and ate them while we relaxed on the electric handicapp wheelchairs -for lack of any indoor benches-.

I look foward to much more random stupid fun as always.

I want to have a get-together or something soon...

BTW, how do you post pictures on this thing?
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(no subject) [Apr. 15th, 2004|08:08 am]
[mood |hungryhungry]
[music |Misfits "Last Caress"]


WEDNESDAY: I attended Stephy's potluck/drinking fest & had many laughs, special jell-O, & lucky charms. Also, I was reminded again of how many different types of drunks there are: Happy drunks, horny drunks, angry drunks, anxious drunks, depressed drunks, calm drunks...you get the idea. There was a little drama due to the fact that some people don't react well to alchohol (such as angry drunks and anxious drunks) but I was able to be one of the mediators because I've seen these kind of episodes alot in the past, and I think that's a major improvement for me to go from being the cause of the drama -freshman year- to being the unbiost mediator amidst the drama.

NEXT THREE DAYS: Slept accompanied by endless bizzarre dreams, occasionally waking up and feeling like crap then going to sleep again.

EASTER SUNDAY: Had a beautiful brunch with champagne and jello, then after the guests left I went to the beach with my family & we barbequed over a campfire.

MONDAY: Went to guitar lessons in the evening after school.

YESTERDAY: Got an electric guitar which Brian's friend was selling, hung out with Brian.

TODAY: Wednesday again and meeting is at my house after school, and then play rehersal is at 6:00. Right now I'm at the school computer lab taking a break from my supposed studying.

Okay I guess that counts as an entry. I'll be posting pictures soon, too.
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Coffee and Vikadin sound good... [Apr. 6th, 2004|12:30 pm]
[mood |draineddrained]
[music |Kittie- "Brakish"]

Don't you love how the flourescent lighting and echoing voices of the school building beautifully grate into your brain during an oncoming headache that feels like someones crumpling your head with metal fingers? Well, if you do than be jealous of me. Maybe it's a reaction to our earlier visit to CV where we did a little choir festival.
That being done, now I have to look foward to a psyche appointment & a play rehersal in Albany.

I miss my jelly doughnut. I ate it.

TOMORROW will hopefully be fun, it being the day my film group meets...

Anyways, yeah I'm going to go torture the halls with my presence.
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Show-biz. RIGHTEOUS! RIGHTEOUS! [Mar. 31st, 2004|09:42 pm]
[mood |bouncybouncy]

This is most definetly the best Wednesday I've had in a while. Pure and simple, TODAY ROCKED.

Happy starving-artists...
Today, our independent movie group (Me, Roxy, Tony, Rio & Mica) had a huge improvised fun-with-the-handycam day and just played with the video camera, doing random outrageous skits & spiels. It was great, and also, to our surprise, this session also brought us greater inspiration.
We're still at work on the screenplays for our first project but progress is definetly present.

ANYONE INTERESTED IN THIS FILM PROJECT (an expose' of short horror/eerie-suspense films), (whether you're an actor, a writer, a camera-man, etc), if you are willing to dedicate some of your time, tell me in my comments, please. And remember, we're just having fun with our amateur art.

OH and I got a major role in a play.

Happy dance, happy dance...oops now I'm gonna puke. Kidding.

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(no subject) [Mar. 29th, 2004|02:43 pm]
Raisins...a sweet, bautiful snack? Or humiliated grapes?

Tofu frightens me.

Samboka is the most disgusting alchoholic drink ever invented...it's just like warm liquid black liqourice that burns and then lingers strongly in your mouth even long after you've tried to wash it away with about every drink in the house, haunting you with its disgustingness...ewww...
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Pukus Mucus Artichucus [Mar. 29th, 2004|01:53 pm]
[mood |relaxedrelaxed]
[music |music on the radio in the coffee shop, blenders]

IT WAS SO ANNOYING THIS MORNING I was dreaming that I was awake and this terrible noise kept grating into my head for the longest time and in the dream I was yelling "Someone turn that off!" And then I woke up and realized it was MY alarm clock but by this time I had gotten a massive headache from that noise entering my sleep (rather than getting me up) so I wanted to sleep off the headache of course but I was already in trouble for not getting up. Don't you hate it when that happens? Oh well in alot of my dreams I get cut up or something and for some reason I can actually feel pain in my dreams which is really screwed up...
Anyways, enough about my freaky sleep patterns.

Well, spring beak was a little more choaotic than I would've liked, to say the least, But now, all has been worked out, Brian presented me with a guitar and a pumpkin pie on Sunday, and those bloody assignments for mythology were last-minute work but done nonetheless, and now I can actually RELAX.

Since I've been out of school I've been walking around campus taking pictures . It's oodles of fun.

I think I want to go home and get more pie, if theres any left... I've eaten a full one a couple times, and I intend to do it again. Somebody stop me. Then again, don't.
Ok obviously the sun's getting to my head, I'll write later.
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(no subject) [Mar. 23rd, 2004|11:28 pm]
[mood |sicksick]
[music |me and my mother coughing in unison across the house]

Ahh, too tired to do a thought-out entry, so this will be a quick overview. I don't even know why I'm writing it, but oh well.

Earlier this break, Coral and I went out at night to the bowling alley, having been driven there by her mom's friend who is as disgusting and outspoken as we are (it's great), and after one game of bowling decided not to embarrass ourselves anymore -Let's just say our minds arent the only things that are always in the gutter-
and just walked around town. Then we went back to her house and then journeyed to safeway where we bought junk, acted like idiots, and made some random college friends. The usual routine.

Had a nice evening hanging out with my boyfriend and my little brother, though. Kenny never had an older brother so i guess thats why he likes Brian so much, which is cool. They gang up on me alot, which I think is hilarious even if at my expense.

AHH gotta go to bed.
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